Sunday, December 10, 2017

Broken Parts: A Short Story

Happy Sunday!


Broken Parts

I am drained. Emotional. Physically. Maybe I'm just overreacting. It's hard to tell sometimes. Sometimes I don't breathe. I just hold my breath until my lungs scream for air. I hold it as long as I can. I take comfort in those moments of not breathing, as if it's one less thing I have to worry about. The amount of times tears have streamed down my cheeks in the past 2 weeks is just sad. The amount of tears the I've bottled up is unreal. The amount of moments I just wanted to stop, to break down, to cry out in pain, to beg the world to just let me be, are uncountable. Panic attacks or anxiety, I'm not sure anyone could tell the difference. What are you even worried about? They'd ask me, you're not doing anything. I want to tell them that it doesn't work like that, that I can't choose when or where these take place. I want to tell them that there isn't certain events or places that I can just avoid. Instead I say nothing because even if I do speak up, no one will believe me. I've learned to suppress most of the awful things I thing during the day. I lock them in a vault in my mind. I try to make it by. Drifting through life, as they say. I fake it til I make it, and I've gotten all too good at it. I've learned to laugh at all the right moments, how to smile through the pain, how to reduce the shaking and twitching to a minimum. I've learned which people can take me at my worst, and which can't. It's become a game that I know all too well. A game I never wanted to be a part of.

Until next time,

Sam

-...  .-  -.. / .--  .  .  -.-

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Just Keep Swimming

Happy Sunday!

December is here, which mean the insanity of NaNoWriMo is over, just in time for the insanity that accompanies the holidays.
I feel like I'm drowning, between university applications and holiday shopping and assignments and tests. I'm struggling to stay afloat. What's worse is that I knew this was coming too, and I did nothing to prepare for it. I didn't have a lot of time in November, but what little I had was spent of YouTube or Netflix instead of working on my thesis paper, or my English essay. I'm kicking myself now, but of course, I can't go back to fix any of it. I just have to keep pushing through, try to keep swimming, and keep my eye on the island that is winter break.
Realistically I know that I'll be okay, I'll have a few more break downs, but I'll get everything done. It's just harder to see that now, when everything is still in the 'To-Do' pile and not in the 'Already Done' pile.
I wonder if everyone else is feeling the same pressure that I am, or if it's just me. Are other 12th graders struggling along side me?
Today was one of those days were I just needed to get things done, but I just kept finding excuses not to do anything. My family and I went out to get a Christmas tree, I watched some videos on YouTube, hung around the internet a while, all to avoid doing work. I did manage to finish some of it though. At least enough to be slightly less behind than I was yesterday.
I guess if I was reading this I'd want to know how someone who is already worried in high school would fare in a university setting. I don't have the answer yet. What I do know is what I have to work on the be more independent, and I'm starting to figure out what works for me in terms of what I have to do to get work done. As the year progresses I'm hoping I'll continue to learn little handy things that will help me to be more productive.

Anyways, I've got to go put a homework guide together, so I can keep on top of the essay, the paper and all the other fun stuff I have to do.

Wish me luck!

Until next time,

Kenzie

Sunday, November 26, 2017

University Applications and Wonder Woman

Happy Sunday!

So I did my university applications and let me tell you, it's not a fun time. There is a lot of repetitive stuff that should  just be completed by auto-fill but isn't. I've applied for 5 different programs at 4 different universities, all for either English or Creative Writing. I thought I'd immediately start panicking once they were all sent it, it's all out of my hands now, but I don't feel any different. I'm still more stressed about finishing the few essays I have left until Winter Break than I am about getting accepted into university. I'm sure once everyone starts getting their acceptances I'll be much more worried, but for now, I think I'm okay. Not 100%, but okay.

In other news, I'm watching Wonder Woman for the first time now and I'm being reminded why I love her. The fight scenes are a little more animated that I'd like them to be, but overall it's really good.
I don't want to say I'm looking forward to seeing the Justice League movies, after all, DC live action movies are pretty hit and miss, But I will say that after seeing Wonder Woman I am hopeful that they'll slowly start to improve.

Anyways, that's all for now.

Until next time,

Sam

Sunday, November 19, 2017

19.11.17

Happy Sunday!

Going to keep this one really short, because I'm seriously behind on my word count for the weekend and I need to get back to my novel. Anyways, just wanted to check in and say that I'm doing alright. I'm going to try and do an update next week on University applications, but with the novel and all the essays, we'll just have to see.

I swear I'll do a much bigger update soon.

Until next time,

Sam

Sunday, November 12, 2017

NaNoWriMo 2017

Happy Sunday!

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is in full swing now, and I think it's safe to say that between that, university applications and homework, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Thankfully I was able to take a trip to Boston (more on that once I get the pictures onto my laptop) so I got a little bit of a break.

Now that I'm back however, the pressure is on to get everything done by end of November, and even though we're not even halfway through the month yet, I already know that there just isn't enough time to do everything. Regardless, I still have to try.

Going back to the topic of NaNoWriMo, I've decided to kind of keep my project low key this year. Last year, with my novel Out, I was so excited to get it posted for the world to read, that by the time I finished it, I wasn't that excited about it anymore. I never finished editing it, and I know that I don't want that for my novel this year. I'm going to try and have it done and edited this year before I make a big announcement about it. Hopefully this way if I do finish editing it, it'll be a big surprise that hopefully someone out there will want to publish, and lots of people will want to read.

What I will tell you about my novel is that I'm about 6 chapters in and it looks like it will be over the 50,000 word challenge that is NaNoWriMo, so I might not actually finish it until January or February. We'll see how it goes.

Anyways, that's all from me for now. I hope you all had a good week.

Until next time,

Sam

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Halloween Costumes

Happy Tuesday?

SORRY, OK I'M SO SORRY. I'm off this week and lost track of the days. Here's some pics from Halloween.

So without further ado, I present to you....

The Hades' Journey

Hades rolling into town in a skeleton drawn carriage.

IT'S NOT A PHASE ZEUS!

And then I see her off in the distance....
And suddenly I'm like, Hey girl, where you been?

Because really, who doesn't want to come hang out with the Ruler of the Underworld in a grave yard?

And here is the beautiful Persephone, looking as regal as ever.
Ready to head down to hell of the winter!
Here's a picture of us with the carriage driver, Harold, before we depart to the Underworld. 

The lovely Persephone was done by the amazing Ash, who you can find on Instagram @ashlei.s.art.

As always, feel free to comment.

Until next time,

Sam

Sunday, October 29, 2017

PUMPKINS

Happy Sunday!

We carved our pumpkins today, so here are some pictures of that!

My pumpkin, pre-carving.

SEEDS!!!

My brother's pumpkin, which I'm told is from an anime.

My sister's pumpkin. The eye fell out and it looked awesome. Sadly, she didn't keep it like that.



I went for a classic, Jack Skellington.


My sister went for an artsy owl, off of something she probably found on Pinterest.

Other than that, I'm going to try and have costume pictures up on Tuesday.

Until next time,

Sam